Claire Sawyer slowly regained consciousness after fainting in Grant Roberts’ condominium suite. The fact Grant was a vampire looking to sue the mainstream media for what he perceived to be negative portrayal of vampires in film and literature did not lead to Claire’s fainting spell. It was more of the seemingly harmless reveal of Grant’s other roommate, Seth Rollins, a former classmate and colleague of Claire. A classmate that tragically and some would say comically died over a decade ago. Claire’s eyes first slowly opened up to reveal a ceiling fan. Grant and Seth had moved her onto the couch, where Claire begun to slowly sit up. Waiting at her feet was Grant with a cup of hot tea, but was once again upstaged by Seth – who hovered over Claire’s face.
“Hey there, sunshine!” Seth said to Claire, who quickly sat up and tried to stand up. However, Claire was still a tad dizzy from the previous fainting spell, and her attempt to stand led to her crashing back down on the couch. Slightly out of breath, Claire spoke “Seth? It’s not possible. You’re a g-g-g..”
“Please don’t say it like that, you owe me that much at least” Seth begged her.
“Hey, you’re the one who scared her silly!” Grant chided Seth, who just shrugged his shoulders.
“Gosh, I’m dead aren’t I?” Claire said nervously. “That’s the only explanation. I knew you were too good to be true!” she directed at Grant.
“Sadly no, you are not dead,” Seth said. “You are very much alive. Grant is a vampire, and I’m a ghost who haunts-slash-lives in this suite.”
“But I was at your funeral!” Claire said.
“Funny story”, Seth said as he took the tea cup from Grant and gave it to Claire. “Not sure how or why, but I found myself still around even though my physical body is now worm food. After that priest ran me over, I decided to follow and haunt him. Little did I know I would get even with him by doing so. Guess with his vodka-fried mind he thought I was all of his skeletons in his closet coming after him. Basically, big shocker, the guy was a closet kiddie toucher. Thought I was going to cross over but here I am still.”
“Well that was an interesting expository story there,” Claire said.
“Yeah I know. Meanwhile, until Jennifer Love Hewitt comes here to converse with me, I have no real desire to go anywhere.” Seth said as he sat on a footstool.
Claire begun to say “But I doubt she is a real ghost whis…” but got cut off by Grant who quietly told her. “Best not to tell him the truth about that one. He doesn’t take kindly to hearing that.”
“Well it’s either that or I want the Ghost Busters to take me down!” Seth proclaimed. “The ones with the gorilla, not that green bastard Slimer!”
“Oh great, don’t get started with the Slimer hate talk again!” Claire exclaimed, remembering something from their past. “It was bad enough when you and Kevin Brody once overtook our Comparative Lit class debating who was more detrimental to their team’s dynamic – Slimer or Snarf.”
Seth then defiantly stood up and spoke like he was making a grand speech: “And I will walk the Earth for a thousand years to tell him that ‘No, good sir! That green bag of ectoplasm was the worst creation ever!’ Wonder whatever happened to Kev?”
“I dunno, maybe he fell into a crack in a wall where parts in time and space are never too meet?” Claire said as she shrugged her shoulders. Her seemingly rhetorical question garnered a confused look “What the hell was that?” Seth asked.
“Huh, guess we’re avoiding stuff like that this year, right?” Claire asked back.
“Yes for all things good and decent!” Grant said exasperatingly.
Kaitlyn Russo and Simon Fererra looked in on their side of a two-way mirror. On the other side of the mirror sat a man in his early twenties, wearing an well-torn ironic “Jesus Is My Home Boy” shirt. The man looked dazed and slightly confused. He tried to struggle free from the chair he was placed in, unaware his hands were cuffed behind him. A civilian aide officer handed Simon a folder, which he then proceed to read aloud: “Ricardo Hernandez-Love, age twenty-three. Immigrated to Canada from Puerto Rico three years ago. Originally worked as a day laborer for the Church of the People at New Sarepta, headed by – and I use the term loosely – Pastor William Love. Apparently Citizenship and Immigration were about to deport Mister Hernandez until he married one of Pastor Love’s daughters.”
Kaitlyn nodded to acknowledge she received everything said. She then asked “Does it say in there when he got his dental work there?” as she noticed Ricardo’s mouth bearing the faux-fangs.
“No clue, but my guess they were recent.” Cameron Swift said as he and Sergei Koloff walked in and handed a previous mug shot of Hernandez-Love. “Courtesy of our friends at K Division. Apparently he and another person decided to do an old-fashioned cross burning on an acreage, thinking a nest of vampires were there. Unfortunately for them, they got the wrong address and burned it on a Leduc County councilor’s yard. This was six months ago.”
“And your police let these men go?” Sergei asked.
Swift added “Well, both men were awaiting trials for trespassing, but were out on bail…”
“…More likely thanks to Pastor Love’s deep-pocketed legal team.” Simon interjected.
“How can a man of the cloth promote such hatred?” Sergei asked.
“An even more interesting tale to tell ya,” Simon answered and explained to the Ukrainian werewolf hunter from another file he read: “Pastor William Love, aged seventy-two. Former ordained Baptist minister. He and the Canadian Baptist Ministries had a falling out, both sides claiming philosophical differences. He shortly formed his own ministry consisting of immediate and extended family and select friends. Then about five years ago, the church enters the internet age with their charming site ‘God Hates Fangs Dot Org.’ and been spewing anti-vampire rhetoric since.”
“Not so much that,” Swift added. “But everyone associated with vampires have felt their wrath. K Division and CSIS have them on a terror watch list as they constantly threaten to burn the Canadian flag on the good pastor’s webcast. Attempts for his followers to enter the United Kingdom last year failed as they were put on a similar list there. Australian internet service providers banned any IP numbers containing any and all links to their site. And our friends at the U.S. Homeland Security have said both in regards their attempt to make in-roads there, and I quote, ‘he makes Fred Phelps look like Mister Rogers’ and ‘you already sent us Justin Bieber and Nickelback, haven’t we suffered enough?’”
“So basically, he is a wacko?” Sergei asked.
“Wacko is putting it mildly.” Kaitlyn answered. “Anyway, are we gonna do ‘good cop, bad cop’ with our friend here?” she asked Simon, motioning for the two of them to go and question their suspect. Simon nodded and said “I was thinking more along the line of ‘pissed off Lapsed Catholic cop’…” while pointing to himself and then pointing at Kaitlyn “… and ‘bitchy feminist man-hater cop’”
“Works for me,” Kaitlyn said as she opened the door to the interrogation room, followed by Simon’s lead.
Ricardo Hernandez-Love just looked on in contempt as Kaitlyn and Simon came into the room. Kaitlyn closed the door behind her and stood by the door, crossing her arms. Simon went to a chair on the other side of the table and sat down, looking straight at Ricardo. “Oh, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.” Simon said. “You got some explaining to do…”
“…Piss off, pig!” Ricardo said defiantly.
“Hey, that’s no way to talk to someone who just wants to be your friend here, Ricky.” Simon replied back, shaking his finger in a mocking “Tsk, tsk” fashion. Ricardo just laughed and said “You? You want to be my friend?”
“Yeah sure.” Simon said, trying to bait and bluff Ricardo. “I mean, I understand you. I was young too once. Got yourself a nice naked lady whose into role-play. She’s the innocent victim, you’re the blood-thirsty vampire. Except you’re a little too into the role, aren’t ya Ricky? Bit her too hard and you panicked, right?”
“You’re trying to trick me,” Ricardo slyly replied back.
“Just tell us it went down like that, Ricardo,” Kaitlyn said, slowly walking towards the table. “Involuntary manslaughter is a little lighter than first degree murder.”
“You’re crazy, perra!” Ricardo told Kaitlyn, almost spitting at her until Simon got up in a threatening manner. “I dunno, either way, you’re looking at jail time. But I doubt you’ll last long once everyone hears about your little fire starting habits!”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure the Aryan Brotherhood isn’t going to look too kindly on someone like you infringing on their gimmick,” Kaitlyn stated to Ricardo. Simon then added “Hell, maybe we’ll throw you in with the real vampires in the Remand Center. I’m sure they’ll be impressed with you dentist’s handy-work!”
“Fuck you both fang-bangers!” Ricardo defiantly shouted at both Kaitlyn and Simon.
“That’s pretty judgmental from someone who claims Jesus is his home boy,” Simon said with a mix of anger and disgust. “I haven’t had a chance to talk with the Good Lord for quite some time but I’m pretty sure biting a woman to death is one of the biggest sins you can commit.”
“It could have been her thing, chico,” Ricardo defensively replied back. Then he looked Kaitlyn up and down and said to her. “Maybe it’s your thing too, sweet lips.”
“Please,” Kaitlyn said in a repulsed manner and rolled her eyes. “I know your type all too well – you talk a big game but when it comes down to it, you gotta pay a woman to even come within inches to touch you.”
“Wanna uncuff me and see what I can do to get you wet, honey?” Ricardo asked in a suave, yet perverse tone. At that point, Simon angrily stood up and was about to slam Ricardo’s head into the table. But Simon was able to restrain himself if not before verbally threatening Ricardo “You son of a… ! You know what, to hell with this. I say we just throw him to the guys in Remand, let them sort it out!” Meanwhile, Ricardo was quietly reciting the twenty-third Psalm “The lord is my shepherd, I shall not…”, only that time it set Simon off and he yelled at Ricardo. “You’re forgetting the big one pal! Thou shalt not kill!”
“She acted like a whore with the fangers! She deserved a whore’s death by a fanger!” Ricardo frustratingly proclaimed.
“See? Now that wasn’t so hard was it?” Kaitlyn asked as Simon just sighed and placed his hand on his forehead. “Let’s leave him here for a moment, okay?” she asked of Simon, motioning for the two of them to make their way out. “Yeah, sure,” Simon agreed with his partner as the two of them exited the room. Once on the other side, Simon stated to a uniformed officer, “Make sure someone in Remand makes them their whore for the evening.”
“You all right, Detective Russo?” Sergei asked Kaitlyn. “Another lewd comment he made and I would have gone in there and made him regret those words.”
“So would have I too” Cameron said, trying to fit in. “But I would have been more of a Chester to Sergei’s Spike” he added, looking at Sergei’s broad shoulders, compared to his own gawkish, normal build. Sergei gave Cameron a confused look and awkwardly Cameron coughed and muttered “Guess they don’t have Looney Tunes over there.”
“It’s okay guys,” Kaitlyn reassured the two of them. “I’ve heard worse things from better men. So, you figure that’s the closest we’re gonna get to a confession from him?” she asked. Then as if by impeccable timing, Captain Joan Sperling showed up with a man in a fancy business suit and two officers from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police flanking them. “Maybe so, detectives,” Sperling said, “But our friends here from K Division and the Crown Prosecutor are going to see if they can get any more out of him.”
“Meaning what exactly?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Meaning that Mister Hernandez-Love here might be used to provide vital information in regards to an ongoing undercover investigation,” one of the RCMP officers answered.
“Translation – he plays cult snitch and you guys make sure they don’t go all Jonestown and drink the Kool-Aid, right?” Kaitlyn asked.
‘That is a glib way of looking at it, but essentially yes,” Sperling retorted. Kaitlyn then shook her head and stormed off in a little bit of a huff. “Detective Russo!” Sperling bellowed but was pretty much ignored. Simon took off after his partner while mouthing “I’ll talk her out of it” to his superior. Down the office hallway and inside a common locker room, Kaitlyn was seen taking items out from her own compartment rather in sheer frustration. Simon noticed this and matter-of-factly asked her “Really? After Joan’s been riding your ass all week, you’re leaving like this?”
“We get a basic confession out of him and here comes the feds, swooping in to make a deal with a killer!” Kaitlyn said.
Simon tried to reason with her “Hey? We got him. We won this round.”
“Sorry, just don’t feel like celebrating.” Kaitlyn said as she put on her coat and placed her service revolver and badge in her handbag.
“What do I tell Sperling then?” asked Simon as Kaitlyn began to quickly walk out.
“Hey, she suggested I may need a personal day,” she answered back. “Tell her I’m taking two.”
Claire Sawyer kind of wished she had now not parked her car so far away from the condominium building she was at previously. Although Garneau was a quiet, older, neighborhood, parking was pretty hard to come by. Claire now was walking quietly down the slightly lit street, looking a little nervous. The mood and atmosphere was too quiet for Claire, who lived closer to the downtown core of the city and was used to hearing traffic and sirens at various times of the night. So it slightly startled Claire to hear the smashing of a window within a close proximity of her. She also heard some quiet chattering as she got closer and closer. Claire stopped and looked in shock to see four men, dressed in matching hooded sweaters. Two of them were smashing and spray-painting a car – hers. “Excuse me!” Claire shouted “What do you think you’re doing?!” One of the men looked at her and then at one of his cohorts. “Hey fellas,” the man said. “It’s the lawyer bitch who defends fangers!” The two men defacing her car stopped and slowly began to come towards Claire, who began to slowly back away. The two men sprinted after Claire who began to run faster, only to get tackled to the ground by the men who were slightly faster. They proceeded to drag Claire, who kicked, screamed, and begged for mercy from her would-be attackers. One of the men then slammed her head on the back of the trunk of the car. The blow to the head rendered Claire semi-conscious but well aware of what was going on as she felt being pinned face-first onto her car rather forcibly. All she could hear now was laughter from the men, peppered in between shouts of “Fang lover!” and “Fang Banger!”. Claire screamed loudly, until one of the men gagged her. All Claire could do now was try and fight off this attack, but was unable to do so once the last man grabbed her legs and forced his hands under her skirt. “You love fucking dead things?” the man asked as he leaned into Claire’s ears. “We’re gonna make you feel what you been missin’ out on with a live one in ya!”
Kaitlyn Russo decided to take the long way home tonight, driving down along Whyte Avenue. Listening to the radio in her car rather loudly, Kaitlyn remained solely focused on driving rather than the bustling night life of the street filled with trendy bars and restaurants. Kaitlyn then turned off the radio rather quickly once she heard a advertising spot for “Wolfman Zack” Hawkins. She signaled and turned off on the street to head home for the night. She slowed down once she saw two police cruisers with their lights flashing and the area blocked off with line tape. Kaitlyn came to a complete stop and watched as a uniformed officer with a flashlight approached her. “Oh now what?” Kaitlyn muttered as she rolled down her window. The officer shunned the light into Kaitlyn’s car and said to her “Sorry, this area is blocked off due to an investig…” He paused once he had a vague idea to whom he was speaking to. “Detective Russo?” he asked. Kaitlyn nodded and listened to him ask her “You got called in to this case?”
“Nah, I’m off duty right now.” Kaitlyn said to the officer. “Just heading home. I’m about half a block in.”
The officer looked behind him, as if to make sure no one was around. “Don’t tell Ange I did this, okay?” he said to Kaitlyn as he proceeded to briefly take part of the line tape down so as to allow her to pass through. Slowly making her way on the other side, Kaitlyn decided to ask the officer. “Ange? As in Angie Newhart?” she asked, recognizing the nickname of her former partner and a friend from her academy days. The officer nodded yes and said to Kaitlyn “Yeah, it’s a pretty messed up sitch up here.”
“If Angie is here, I can only imagine how bad it is” Kaitlyn said. “Anyways, tell her I said ‘hi’.”
“Will do. Have a safe night, ma’am” the officer said as Kaitlyn rolled her window back up and drove up the block to her condo’s parking lot. Not feeling like doing any more shop talk and noticing two officers interviewing a couple people at the front entrance way, Kaitlyn figured she would be using the back entrance tonight.
Kaitlyn placed her keys into the doorknob of her suite to open up the door. Once she walked in, she saw Seth sitting on the couch, eating some Bugles but unaware they were piling up undigested on the white leather cushions of the couch. “Quite the excitement downstairs eh?” Seth asked, surprisingly sullen and subdued for him.
“Yeah, I guess.” Kaitlyn said as she grabbed a dustpan and small broom to clean up the Bugles pile. “Anything I should know about?”
“Long story short – Claire’s taking Grant’s case, and then for her troubles she gets gang raped by a bunch of self-righteous zealots.” Seth stated straight to the point.
“How would you know? Unless… wait, don’t tell me you went and…” Kaitlyn asked.
“I didn’t but Grant…” Seth said, at which point Kaitlyn interrupted him and asked “Where is Grant now?”
“Out on the balcony, working on his brooding hero motif. I would not recommend referring to him as ‘Batman’, ‘Angel’ or ‘Rorschach’.” Seth suggested. “Duly noted,” Kaitlyn said as she grabbed a can of Diet Coke and made her way to the balcony. She slid the patio door open and outside stood Grant. He was looking outward to the north side of the city. Gazing upon the lights of the buildings that decorated the downtown night scene. Kaitlyn stood next to Grant, joining in with his stoic stare into the city skyline.
“She’s going to be all right,” Kaitlyn said, trying to assure any doubts Grant may have.
“Yes she will.” Grant coldly said. “Back in my days with Anya, there was a time I turned my eye and back to a crime like that. After talking with Claire before this attack, I got the sense she was alright.”
“You didn’t do anything… that will come back and bite you?” Kaitlyn asked, almost dreading the answer.
“I simply scared them off. Stayed with her until some older couple called the cops.” Grant answered back. “But a part of me really wanted to go out and hunt them down. Make them pay for what they did to her.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling all too well,” Kaitlyn said sympathetically. “But now what you do with this rage will make or break you in terms of your own quest for being… well, normal.”
“I know,” Grant agreed with some regret. “But there is that tiny part of my old life that would have loved to tear them all apart.”
“Well if it’s any consolation, I got to emasculate one of those bastards tonight.” Kaitlyn said clumsily trying to lighten the mood.
“Huh. Men of God they claim to be. Doing His will.” Grant scoffed.
“Well, kind of reminds me of a debate I was once in during one of my group therapy sessions after my own attack. One girl talked profusely about how accepting God into her life helped get over her own assault. Some of us blamed God for allowing it to happen, to which the therapist gave one of the most succinct description I have heard about the differences between God and man.”
“Which was?”
“God and Jesus saves. Man hurts.” Kaitlyn said, then noticing a plume of smoke coming a few blocks down from their residence. Sirens filled the air once again. “Or kills.” Kaitlyn finished off her thought as she and Grant sat down in a set of deck chairs and both quietly wondered the significance of where the fire was taking place, or why for that matter.
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