Ghosts, Vampires, and Werewolves - oh my stars and garters!

Disclaimer

Any actual names or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

Content of story may contain coarse language, violence, and other mature themes that some readers might find offensive. Discretion is advised.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Chapter 15 - Russo-Ukrainian Roulette




Say a prayer to yourself
He says "Close your eyes, sometimes it helps"
And then I get a scary thought
That he's here - means he's never lost

And you can see my heart beating.
No, You can see it through my chest.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
Know that I must pass this test.
So, just pull my trigger


Grant Roberts still was sleeping in the bedroom of Amy Moore. Laying beside him was his hostess Amy, who just simply watched and studied him. It was indeed a different experience for Amy, who had for a long time dreamed of meeting a vampire face to face. She always heard stories about vampires and was fascinated with the various tropes involved with them. But at the time, that was all they were to the fair-skinned ginger girl from Sheffield – stories and tropes. Now here she was, face to face with a real live vampire. She looked at the clock radio on her nightstand by the bed to notice the time was almost 5:30 p.m. The sun had now been down for at least a half-hour and perhaps very soon her houseguest will be waking up. Another thing Amy was very curious to see in how the undead wake up to face the coming day ahead. It would seem this would become a reality as Grant began to stir and move. He turned and opened his eyes, with the first thing he saw was Amy’s smiling face.

“Good evening, love,” Amy said to Grant.

“Hey,” Grant said back to her, “How long have you been here?”

“A few hours. Just couldn’t resist seeing and watching you sleep.”

“That seems, odd.” Grant commented.

“I know, it does seem very odd, doesn’t it?” Amy restated. “Yes, but in a way it didn’t feel too weird,” Grant told her, hoping to reassure Amy in her brief moment of feeling awkward.

“So, um, what do we do now?” Amy asked, unsure of what the next move should be. “What is a typical day like for Grant Roberts, mysterious vampire nursing assistant?” she also asked as she sat up, trying to coax Grant off the bed.

“Depends on what goes on in my life at the moment,” Grant answered as he finally got up. “Usually I end up watching television or arguing with my one roommate Seth over some of the dumbest things ever.”

“Sounds pretty normal to me,” Amy commented.

“I guess in a way it is,” Grant also commented.


Kaitlyn Russo paced back and forth in her suite, waiting for a return phone call from Cameron Swift she made shortly after her hypnosis session with the Navajo shaman and Doctor Laura Whitehorse was over. She now had a name – Evan Jackson – to go with the vague memories she had about her own unfortunate sex assault. She now had the vague recollection recalled from the session that it was perhaps one or two wolves who saved her from further degradation at the hands of a classmate that she at one point in time did have some respect for. Now that this information had been recalled, Kaitlyn pondered what her next move would be. Doctor Whitehorse was still present, sitting on a chair as she watched Kaitlyn nervously walk back and forth.

“Please tell me what is going through your mind, Kaitlyn,” Laura calmly requested to Kaitlyn. Still shaken from the session, Kaitlyn answered with a bit of trembling in her voice. “I don’t know. Fifteen years I carried this memory with me, not knowing for sure what really went down, who did this to me, and why they did this to me. Now that I know who, I really don’t know what to do. And this Anya chick getting in my head, how do I know this memory is real?”

“So you have doubts about what you recalled then?” Laura asked.

“I don’t know anymore,” Kaitlyn sighed with frustration. “All I know is right now I need to find Evan…”

“… And then what?” Laura asked with concern. “Are you willing to undo three years of hard work we have done to keep you under control just to settle a possible false memory?”

“I don’t know!” Kaitlyn quietly exclaimed. “The sooner I get that call back the sooner I will know what I will do.” The telephone rang shortly after and Kaitlyn went to answer it. “Hello?” Kaitlyn said into the phone. On the other end was indeed Cameron Swift, who said in return. “Hey, so it’s a good news, bad news situation we got here.”

“All right, what’s the good news?” Kaitlyn asked.

“Good news is, Evan Jackson does still exist. In fact, he’s had quite the little rap sheet. A few aggravated assault charges, a few impaired driving convictions, and numerous domestic violence complaints,” Cameron told her.

“Well then what’s the bad news?” Kaitlyn asked with dread.

“Bad news is, he has fallen off the radar in the last six months. His last known address was some acreage around Spruce Grove, which he hasn’t lived there in over a year. He hasn’t checked in with his parole officer either,” Cameron noted.

“Great, so there’s no real way of finding him then,” Kaitlyn said disappointingly.

“Afraid not. If its any consolation, I know someone from the Maintenance Enforcement Program who is also looking for him in regards to unpaid child support. I could have her call you if anything comes up.” Cameron offered as a consolation prize.

“That’s all right,” Kaitlyn told him. “To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with him either.”

“Huh?” Cameron said confusingly.

“Nevermind. Thanks anyways,” Kaitlyn said as she hung up the phone. She then stormed to her bedroom with Laura running behind her. Laura walked into the bedroom in time to see Kaitlyn removing a service revolver from her dresser drawer. “Whatever you’re thinking Kaitlyn, I’m begging you, please reconsider!” Laura begged as Kaitlyn placed on a bullet-proof vest and loaded her revolver’s bullet chamber.

“Well, I’m sure the statute of limitations has expired on bringing him for my assault,” Kaitlyn said as she cocked the gun and pointed it at her dresser mirror. “Maybe I can bring him as a deadbeat dad who needs to be beaten dead.”

“What? So you’re going rogue then? Flush away a respectable career as a police officer just to seek justice for yourself?” Laura asked with urgency.

“This is no longer about justice. This is about closure,” Kaitlyn said back.

“Closure for what?” asked Laura

“First I take care of him, then I move on and find out why those wolves saved me that night,” Kaitlyn replied.

“Okay, fine. We can work on tracking the wolves,” Laura told Kaitlyn. “But if you give in to this lust for revenge, you will only be doing more harm than good.”

“Maybe, but I feel this has been one wrong in my life that I need to fix now!” Kaitlyn said as she left her bedroom. In a desperate ploy, Laura shouted “This could be what this Anya woman wants from you!” The mere mention of Anya’s name caused Kaitlyn to immediately stop and do an about face. Doctor Whitehorse went on: “Think about it. In both of your confrontations with this woman, not only has she gotten inside your head by knowing what you really are, but she seems to be willing to do what it takes to get you to lose control.” Kaitlyn’s face turned to surprise and shock as she realized Seth was now standing behind Doctor Whitehorse. Seth whispered into Doctor Whitehorse’s ear: “I sense much fear in her. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering…” Kaitlyn merely slapped her hand on her forehead in frustration as Doctor Whitehorse turned to face Seth. “So, you’re Seth Rollins, I take it?” she asked him.

“In the flesh, sort of,” Seth noted. “Now I suppose you’re going to want me to cross over right away, aren’t you?”

“Not at all,” Doctor Whitehorse told him. “I am however interested in learning all I can about the spirit world.”

“Yeah, not gonna happen, not unless you prove to be Jennifer Love Hewitt from a parallel universe where all women look like chubby Natives.” Seth scoffed. Kaitlyn then asked Seth “I thought you were staying out of this?”

“I was, but then when I heard you wanting to get all Punisher on some poor schmuck’s ass, well I decided to intervene,” Seth told Kaitlyn.

"Poor schmuck? The guy raped me and by the sounds of things hasn’t been a model citizen since then,” Kaitlyn defensively stated.

“But what if this Anya woman somehow implanted a false memory into you? You said in your second encounter, she had you in some sort of trance, that she had you frozen and you felt like your heart was just pounding.” Laura told Kaitlyn. “Whether or not this Evan guy was responsible for what happened to you, this is not like you. The Kaitlyn I know would look at all the evidence before coming to a conclusion.”

Kaitlyn sat down and sighed, “You’re right. Maybe he did, or maybe he didn’t. Going out on a revenge kill may be what Anya wants from me. She seems pretty obsessed with me wanting to pick her side for something.”

“Meanwhile, I would recommend right now for you is to just go out and do something not work-related. Try not to think about your job and relax.” Laura said as she got her coat and opened the door. However standing outside in the hallway were four young men, wearing University of Alberta sweaters. One of the men spoke and asked “Miss Kaitlyn Russo?” Kaitlyn appeared from behind a wall and said “Yes?” The four men began to sing an a cappella version of Leonard Cohen’s “I’m Your Man”, much to Kaitlyn’s surprise. From the side of the four lads, Sergei Koloff appeared with a bouquet of carnations, which Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips in annoyance. “What do you want now?” she asked Sergei.

“Please, I must apologize for earlier today,” Sergei said, as he offered the flowers as a token of peace while the four men continued to sing. “I may have foolishly gone too far in my pursuit of the truth and I am sorry if I had touched a nerve with you.”

“Yes you sure as hell did,” Kaitlyn scornfully replied. But in a rare moment of compassion and admittance of being wrong, she did tell Sergei “But I suppose I have been too closed and too guarded for my own good.”

“It is not a problem,” Sergei said as he motioned for the singers to cease their vocalization. “I was wondering if, as a gesture of peace, you would accompany to dinner tonight?”

Kaitlyn paused and thought for a moment. She glanced over at Laura and Seth, who both were pantomiming “No!”. Kaitlyn told Sergei, “Give me a moment here, okay?” as he nodded in agreement while Kaitlyn closed the door. “Okay, what is wrong here?” she then asked Laura and Seth.

“Oh nothing, really. Other than the fact that a few minutes ago you were all red-eyed with anger and now a werewolf hunter is here asking you out on a date!” Seth sarcastically replied.

“As much as you need a more active social life away from work, do you really think going out with someone who doesn’t know the real you is a wise decision?” Laura asked.

“Not to mention he brought those obnoxious glee clubbers here too!” Seth scoffed. “Like the world needs more of that. Thanks a lot, Fox Network!”

“Okay, obviously you two have your concerns and I understand it,” Kaitlyn said.
“But you know what? Maybe if we steer away from work talk, it could be a decent distraction.” With some reservation in her tone, Laura said to Kaitlyn “All right. Just be careful out there, okay?”

“Trust me, I think I can handle this,” Kaitlyn said, trying reassure Laura that her doubts were slightly unfounded. Kaitlyn then went back to her main door and opened it again. Sergei stood there patiently as Kaitlyn told him, “Okay, just one rule – no work talk, got it?”

“I would think nothing of it,” Sergei said to her with a smile on his face.


A solitary black car waited on the tarmac at the Edmonton International Airport. A small private airplane was finishing its touchdown procedures while a driver emerged from the car. The plane slowed down and made its final approach. The door on the plane opened as a staircase from the same spot popped down. A large, broad-shouldered man emerged from the plane’s exit spot. Also sporting a shaven head and well-groomed beard, the man eventually made his way toward the car. He got into the back passenger-side door without acknowledging the driver. Inside the car, the man sat right next to another passenger – Anya. “I trust the flight was okay?” she asked the man, who simply stared straight ahead. In a very thick Russian accent, the man replied “It was sufficient.”

“Great, another super-serious lycan!” Anya said as she rolled her eyes. “What is it with your kind being all stiff and stoic anyways?”

“You do not realize what you have truly got on your hands do you, vampire?” the man coldly asked back.

“If it was up to me, I wouldn’t even soil my hands with you, but unfortunately our mutual employer has assured me that this all part of a bigger picture.” Anya quipped. “So in the meantime, I get to play messenger girl to our boss and put up with your stiff upper lip.”

“Believe you me, if we were not being paid so well or were there no truce, we would not even associate ourselves with your petty problems,” the man calmly replied back. Anya simply sighed and commented to herself “Great, this is going to make this trip into the city so awkward.”


Both Amy Moore and Grant Roberts had time to kill before their respective shifts started as they made the way up the stairs to Grant’s home. Since Amy was kind enough to invite Grant into her home, he figured he would do the same. What had Grant’s curiosity piqued the most was Amy’s willingness to meet his room mates. Why would such a normal woman be so fascinated with members of the supernatural community? While Grant thought of that question in his head, he too was somewhat worried on how they would react to her, especially since he nonchalantly revealed their secrets to Amy. Grant opened the door and was surprised to see Doctor Laura Whitehorse and Seth Rollins – both having a conversation, albeit with Seth mockingly laying on the couch like a patient to Laura’s therapist. “… And that’s what happened when my uncle Chester invited me to play a game he called ‘pocket filibuster,” was what Grant heard Seth saying as he and Amy walked into the room.

“This is not really getting me anywhere,” Doctor Whitehorse sighed with frustration and then looked up. “Grant?” she asked.

“Doctor Whitehorse? What are you doing here?” Grant asked.

“Was here earlier conducting a memory recovery ceremony with Kaitlyn,” Doctor Whitehorse answered. “Then I finally got to meet Seth… unfortunately,” she added as she shot a dirty look at Seth, who was mock sobbing after recounting an obvious fake molestation tale.

“Hey, I’m only giving you what you want,” Seth told Doctor Whitehorse, unaware that Amy Moore was staring at him in amazement. “Oh. My. God. A real proper ghost!” Amy shrieked in delight.

“No, no, no! It’s an illusion!” Seth panicked and fumbled around as if he was looking for an object. “Dammit, how is it I can pause, rewind, and replay live TV but they haven’t made those mind wiping pens like they used in those ‘Men In Black’ movies?!”

“It’s okay, Seth,” Grant said, trying to calm Seth down. “She knows. Everything.”

“Oh well, that’s great then. Why don’t we just place a big neon sign outside that reads ‘Doctor Whitehorse’s Apartment of Supernatural Freaks’!” Seth sarcastically exclaimed.

“Relax,” Grant said. “Weren’t you the one who told me to be open with her?”

“Yeah! I meant about you being all ‘I vant to suck your blood! Bleh!’” Seth said, doing a mock German accent.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think it’s pretty cool and I’m sure if I told any of my other mates about this, they’d all think I’m bloody nut butters.” Amy sheepishly spoke up.

“Well, that makes it alright then I suppose,” Seth said with mild reservation. “Just one rule, much like Fight Club, do not talk about our little freak show with the outside world. Well, maybe two, Fridays are usually Pizza Night and we all take turns pitching in.”

“Well, then, sounds like I might just fit in here after all,” Amy breathed with a sigh of relief.


A string quartet played on a small stage off to the side of the restaurant that Sergei Koloff and Kaitlyn Russo were at for their somewhat spontaneous date. The restaurant was relatively quiet as a waitress brought a bottle of wine to Sergei and Kaitlyn’s table. Sergei thanked the waitress as she uncorked the bottle and poured the contents of the bottle into a glass for him. The waitress offered the same to Kaitlyn, who politely declined. “Not much of a drinker, I gather?” Sergei asked, trying to break the bit of awkward silence the two of them had going at the moment.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Kaitlyn dryly replied back. “Although I did have a drinking problem during a low point in my life. Been sober now for ten years.”

“Ah I see. You are indeed a woman with many surprises.”

“As are you. I don’t know of anyone else who would track down and kill a man with his own bare hands.”

“I thought we were to avoid talking about work?”

“I know but something about that just seems so… primal.”

“Indeed it is. But he was in his wolf form when I killed him. When a member of the Bratstvo Kresta is killed, they always revert to their human form.”

"Interesting,” Kaitlyn said as she took a sip of water from her glass. She then noticed four men enter the restaurant, first conversing with the hostess at the front. The four men made their way to a table that was relatively close to where she and Sergei were sitting. “You seem so distant tonight,” Sergei commented. “More distant than usual it seems.”

“Huh?” Kaitlyn said. “Sorry, everything today has just got me off guard. And I got my mind thinking about something that I am debating whether or not if its true.”

“Care to share with me?” Sergei asked as he too noticed the four men at the table. A waiter approached their table and a faint argument seemed to break out from there.

“It’s just something that happened before you came to my place,” Kaitlyn mentioned. “Was just looking into my own past to understand things in the present here.”

“Ah. I always wanted to do a introspective look of my own life.” Sergei noted as he too began to notice the argument between the waiter and the four men getting slightly louder. One of the men stood up and tossed the waiter across the room, and he came crashing down on Sergei and Kaitlyn’s table. “Well, that’s just great,” Kaitlyn said as the waiter got up, slightly dazed. Sergei then got up and walked over to the four men, who were conversing in Russian. “Excuse me,” Sergei interjected himself into their conversation, “I believe you owe that young man and my date an apology.”

“This does not concern you!” One of the men sternly told Sergei.

“It would do you best to turn around and leave us,” a second man warned Sergei as well.

“Not until you do the honorable thing and…” Sergei paused as the fourth man grabbed him by his wrist. Sergei noticed a black mark on the man’s wrist. With his free hand, Sergei grabbed the sleeve of the man’s coat back to reveal part of an inverted Orthodox cross. Sergei quickly broke free from the man’s grip and ran over to Kaitlyn. “We must go now!” he told her with urgency. “What’s going on?” Kaitlyn asked.

“No time to explain!” Sergei said as he grabbed Kaitlyn by her hand and the two of them ran out of the restaurant. The four men got up from their table. “Ohota nachala, bratya moi!” the fourth man stated.


Sergei and Kaitlyn quickly ran down the busy streets of Jasper Avenue. “Care to explain what is going on?” Kaitlyn asked in between catching her breath.

“Those four men are the Bratstvo Kresta!” Sergei explained. “Remaining there would be a danger to us.”

“Danger to us, how?” Kaitlyn asked.

“Because they will recognize me as the man who killed their brother!” Sergei said. He then stopped running and thought for a moment. “Which makes no sense because the honor of their vendetta falls upon… the one who… replaces…” he paused and looked around. With a sudden sense of dread, Sergei noticed the tall man that Anya had fetched from the airport earlier in the evening. “Sergei Koloff?” the man spoke in his Russian accent.

“Miss Russo, run as far as you can from here” Sergei quietly told Kaitlyn. “Call for backup as well!” he instructed as Kaitlyn nodded and mouthed “Okay” as she ran off in a different direction.

“I claim the Rite of Vengeance in the name of my fallen brother Ilya,” the man proclaimed out to Sergei.

“What is your name?” Sergei asked.

“Vladimir”, the man known only as Vladimir said. “It will be the last name you will hear!” he said as ran towards Sergei, spear tackling him into a wall of an office building. Sergei pushed back Vladimir into a light standard, knocking him slightly for a bit. The two men exchanged punches, with Sergei gaining a slight advantage with a headbutt to Vladimir. Shaking off the effects, Vladimir once again charged into Sergei, this time crashing the two of them through the window of a closed flower shop. Vladimir grabbed Sergei by his head and tossed him through a display of vases and fake flowers.


While Sergei and Vladimir carried on their fight, Kaitlyn Russo ran down a back alley and stopped to catch her breath. She removed an emergency police radio from her purse and called in “All units, this is Detective Russo, badge number Alpha-three-five-nine-Echo. Requesting armed backup onto Jasper Ave and a hundred-and-twelfth. At least four suspects, extremely dangerous…” Kaitlyn stopped as she noticed four shadows emerging from the streets. Kaitlyn continued to run once she heard the men shouting “Down this way!” In an unfortunate turn of events, Kaitlyn tripped over an empty milk crate; causing her to fall onto the concrete of the alley and twisting her ankle. The sprained ankle hindered Kaitlyn, who was able to pull herself up, only to be tackled onto the ground by one of the Bratstvo Kresta. He had Kaitlyn pinned to the ground as the other three came up to them. Kaitlyn tried to wiggle and power out of her predicament, but felt the full weight of the man holding her down. The other three men laughed at Kaitlyn’s futile attempt of breaking free.

“Do not struggle much,” the broken-English speaking Brotherhood member said.

“Please, if you know what is good for you, let me go!” Kaitlyn pleaded as she felt her heart pounding harder and harder. Similar to her last encounter with Anya, but more similar to what she felt during her transformation. Meanwhile, the Brotherhood of the Cross all shared a collective laugh. The one on top of Kaitlyn took in a perverse smell of her hair. “She does not move like a woman should!” he stated.

“Perhaps she needs a real man on her then,” the Brotherhood leader jokingly said. “And in her, as well,” he added as he pushed away the one on top of Kaitlyn off of her. With her heart pounding harder, Kaitlyn began to breathe rapidly. “I beg of you, walk away now!” she screamed in vain as the Brotherhood leader grabbed her by her thighs, forcing himself in between them. “Do not worry, krasivyi, you will not live to tell anyone of this night,” he said with a lustful look on his face. But that look later turned into confusion as Kaitlyn’s transformation into a Grey Wolf took place. Using its hips, the Kaitlyn wolf rolled over onto a standing position and went straight for the Brotherhood leader’s throat. The other three Brotherhood members stood in confusion and fear as their leader struggled to free himself from the grips of the Kaitlyn wolf’s jaws. He barely got out, but not without suffering a slashed throat. He struggled to remain on his feet as his fellow Brotherhood members dragged him off with the wolf in pursuit of them. The Brotherhood were able to run faster but the wolf was keeping pace with them. Once again, another twist occurred as a shovel from the side whacked the wolf square in the head, rendering it stunned. The shovel-wielding person revealed herself as Anya, who stepped on the wolf’s neck with her stiletto-heeled walking boot. One of the Brotherhood members stopped and scolded Anya “Do not harm her!”

“Excuse me?” Anya questioned back. “Did you miss the part where she just about ripped your fearless leader’s throat out?” she asked as she raised the shovel as if to deal a final blow to end the wolf’s wife.

“She is one of us. We do not kill our own kind on purpose,” he replied back.

“Well fortunately for me, she isn’t one of my kind!” Anya shouted and was about to bring the boom down on the skull, only to hear from a far distance a series of police sirens heading this way. “But timing is everything, duckies,” Anya disapprovingly noted as she stepped off the wolf’s neck, only to watch it revert back to Kaitlyn’s human form, tattered clothing and all. Anya motioned for the Brotherhood to keep running. Kaitlyn slowly was stirring, but was stunned once again as Anya kept her pinned to the ground, using the handle of the shovel to choke. “Strike two, sweetie,” Anya taunted Kaitlyn, who coughed and gasped for air as Anya pressed down on the handle hard on her throat. “Your yellow-bellied brethren saved you this time. Next time, no matter what Old Money Stanfield says, I will enjoy eviscerating you personally!” As a final insult, Anya planted a kiss on Kaitlyn’s lips, only to lightly whack her in the head with the shovel to render her unconscious. Anya lightly laughed as she faded into the background as the sirens got closer.


Sergei and Vladimir continued their brawl in the flower shop. Grabbing a cash register, Sergei smashed it right into Vladimir’s face, once again just dazing him. Police sirens began to fill the air as Vladimir used a judo toss on Sergei and threw him out the shattered window and into a parked car. Sensing that a confrontation with the local police was not prudent at this moment, Vladimir shifted into a large Eurasian Wolf, much like the rest of the Brotherhood of the Cross, and ran off in a direction Sergei was too dazed to notice. As police cars surrounded the area, officers in heavy riot gear stormed onto to scene, scouring the area. Joan Sperling emerged from one of the squad cars, barking orders. “All right, I want this whole block sealed off! If these are the same men from the Remand Centre bombing, I want them brought in dead or alive!” She noticed Sergei leaning against a car, coughing and badly bruised. “Call for an EMT! We got an officer down!” Sperling shouted to a logistics officer who quickly made the call. Dazed and shaken, Sergei spoke to Sperling. “Kaitlyn... did she…?” he asked as he tried to stand up.

“She got the word in, but we lost radio contact with her shortly after,” Sperling told him. “Just relax, we got medics coming in right away,” she coaxed Sergei to remain sitting for comfort. Speaking into a radio, Sperling instructed “Bravo Team? I need you to do an area sweep for Detective Russo. Let me know as soon as you find anything, over?” “Copy that, over” a male voice replied back. An ambulance arrived on the scene as a pair of EMTs went over to work on Sergei. From a distance, an officer shouted “Sperling!”, to which Joan heard and ran towards the voice. She arrived at the alley where two officers were standing over a downed Kaitlyn. In an uncharacteristic move on her part, Sperling ran over with great concern. “Is she - ?” Sperling asked with a lump in her throat, fearing the worst.

“She’s breathing but looks like she took quite the beating,” one of the officers commented. Sperling started administering first aide on her subordinate. “Get an EMT here right now! There’s one attending to Koloff!” she ordered one of the officers. “What the hell are we dealing with here?” Sperling asked aloud as two more EMTs emerged with a gurney. Sperling was more than willing to relinquish first aide treatment to the pros as they examined Kaitlyn’s vital signs and placed her on the stretcher.

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